Beginnings SITTING ON THE CEILING
I was sitting in the middle of the floor but I felt like I was on the ceiling looking down from my safe place with my angels. As I sat there, I had an incredible sense of relief, which replaced the fear, and terror I was feeling. The idea -- when I think back on it that the situation, not I, was crazy, was a big deal. That profound day changed my perception. Not just that night but many times in my life when I was faced with maddening life and death struggles abuse and situations where I needed to know the situation was (crazy-making) so I could navigate safely through or around it. An angel of sorts would present an out (an alternative) to losing my life or my mind. This would be my safe place for most of my life. My third-eye, a way of viewing the world gifted to me that afternoon as I sat with her my angel.
She brought with her a mental clarity I can count on to this day no matter what transpires like when I lived on the street as a teenager or when my mother was trying to strangle me for just growing independent of her. I have had a lot of trauma in my life so my relationship with angels has been extensive both human angels (people who come into your life at the perfect time) and the spiritual kind. I am very spiritual but not religious I have been since I was a child. I should have died more than once. In my 20s I used to smoke weed and be a part of Native American ceremonies. I would read books from Carlos Castaneda, and (The Tenth Insight) a derivative of the (Celestine Prophecy). So when I was stoned it was very interesting. One time I was home working on a rocking chair I found. I was just refinishing it and listening to Pat Metheny. Also, I had smoked a joint. As I was sanding and listening to the music there appeared to be a Native American boy (dancing to the album. With every step) emerald green light would pour down into my room.
It was very healing very comforting and just beautiful. I have a really hard time being in the area of the Twin Towers. I mean can you feel the energy in that area the intensity and the solemnity of it. I do not like to go into cemeteries or go to funerals because of my sensitivity to spirits although a lot of my friends and acquaintances have died. I have been to one funeral in my lifetime that was my mothers in April of 1998. That had its own revelations including that damn song (My Heart Will Go On) by Celine Dion from the movie (TITANIC) which played ad nausea.
It was the number one song on the radio for months so every time I hear it now I am brought back to the (long goodbye) one has when a loved one is afflicted with lung cancer as my mother was. The spiritual significance was not lost to me of her leaving this earth. I kneeled down and kissed her corpse as the procession left the church (it was nostalgic but like kissing stone) so cold to the touch.I do not need to go to funerals to feel the spirit of someone I have loved is missing or no longer with us.
When Lennie and Alice two close young friends of mine died, a couple of cars crushed Alice and the AIDS virus killed Lennie. I knew they had passed even though I was not in touch with them when they died. I believed in angels, and the spiritual realm even before I could talk but I think most children do until others in society tell them they should not. I needed my own personal angels because of the abuse I suffered as a child. I know that my art and the courage to create come from that sacred place.
